The Charts Are Fine Mug
Holds 12 oz of coffee and one rising line. Dishwasher safe. Charts not included in the dishwasher.
4,800 data pointsOfficial merch · the data collection department
Everything Todd wishes you'd carry. Every item ships with a small tracker, at no extra charge, whether you like it or not.
Holds 12 oz of coffee and one rising line. Dishwasher safe. Charts not included in the dishwasher.
4,800 data pointsSoft, cuddly, and beeps every three seconds. There is no off switch. It is always listening. It is a toy.
Free* — *your locationThe very lanyard. Grants access to nothing, opens no doors, and makes you feel important in elevators.
$12 + your contactsFor the days the dots go dark. No pocket for a phone, on purpose. We would prefer you left it at home.
3 subjectsFrom Todd's own office. One rocket-shaped hole. Slightly damp. Signed by Facilities, who did not have clearance.
$1,200 (as is)Bottled the moment Subject #1 went dark. 0.05 mL. Not for drinking, not for resale, not for discussing at all-hands.
Priceless (please stop asking)Zip-up confidence for quarterly reviews. Keeps your core warm and your arms available for pointing at charts.
1 quarterly reviewSticks to anything. Mostly you. Weatherproof, waterproof and, regrettably, Todd-proof.
Your current positionEverything you need to send a tracker home: a pump, a launch stand, and an empty box. The rocket already went back.
One afternoon outsideTodd's store is a joke. Nothing here is for sale, no button takes payment, and nothing you click is recorded.